It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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