I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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