My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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