I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
