I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
