New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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