Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
