Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
