I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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