so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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