i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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