You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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