I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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