I cannot find my penis.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize