i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dicks are not precious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
