I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
