i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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