There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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