we made out on top of his cat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
