Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
