You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
