Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
