So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
