When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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