What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
