Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My life is pants optional.
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