Me. At least after what I've been through.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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