Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
