the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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