His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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