I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
