Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
