I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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