Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
