You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
