WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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