I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
