Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Girls should come with a carfax report
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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