i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize