He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Me too!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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