i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize