my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
