I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
