My sheets look like a crime scene.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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