I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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