@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
