Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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