it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
