Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
