Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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