wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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