I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
