Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
