He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
