I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
