If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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