my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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