Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
birth control should be required to get into college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
