mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
