Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
