The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
