i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
