Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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