Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
