You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
