For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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