I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
