So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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