what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
