Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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