Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
